Well that's great.

Went to the doctors today, was feeling awful as I went out to the pub last night and got way too drunk for my own good. Woke up this morning with a pool of blood in the bath and all down the side but no idea where it came from? worrying..

So, I dragged myself to the doctors, which put me in a worse mood as I fucking hate doctors, sitting there in the waiting room whilst everyones looking at you like 'oh whats she here for'. I know I was just being paranoid but I hate.hate.hate. doctors.

It was the same doctor who a while ago saw my chest and didnt say another word for the whole appointment, other than 'take this prescription to the pharmacy', and have me the filthiest look I've ever recieved.

He didn't have much to say really. I told him how I was feeling. I told him that it was different to how it's ever been before. That my head feels twisted, I feel numb and like I'm slowly going crazy.

It's such a strange feeling.. but I actually feel as though Im going crazy. I don't like it, at all.

I spoke for about ten minutes which I was fucking proud of because I'm not good at talking to people face to face about things. Then all he fucking said to me was that he was going to put me on the waiting list to go back to Marsden street,

I DONT FUCKING WANT TO GO TO MARSDEN STREET. IVE BEEN BEFORE. IT DOESNT HELP.

I explained this to him, and all he said was to give it a go.
fuck off. fuck right off.

I suppose im going to go. Just to make the effort. But talking about things doesnt help at all for me.

what am I supposed to say?

Uh,i feel like im going crazy? yeah. what a great amount of progress that's going to make. what the fuck.

Anyway, I'm not feeling any better yet. I didn't go to work experience today..again. I really can't face going but if I don't I'm going to be in so much trouble with college? I don't know what to do.

I just want to sit, and do nothing.. I don't want to see anyone, or do anything.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.